Insecurity, Jealousy & Envy as I know it!

People live with so much insecurities and jealousy that they sometimes cannot contain themselves and they become so obvious despite of their denials.

Insecurities. I have that. Since I usually consider myself so underdog in anything. Physically I’m over the hill insecure of others. Spiritually, I have this self drama of God- is- punishing- me and stuffs like that. Mentally, I’m somehow secure with this. Maybe because I am surrounded most of the time with naive people so I’d like to think that I’m better than them. Or maybe I’m not. Because sometimes I feel that they know a lot and i know little. Insecurities always haunt me in disguise using people who are stronger, smarter and prettier than me. I always feel small.

Jealousy. I have this because of insecurity. Sometimes I become so selfish that I always want people to listen to what I am saying. And if they find someone else to listen to, I get jealous. So as to relationship. I’m always in doubt of the feelings of the person towards me. I always think that eventually he will find someone else better than me. Yes, because I’m insecure and sometimes I don’t believe that I’m capable of keeping someone forever. Jealousy usually occurs to me in expense of people who are very close to me. Family, boyfriend and friends. Maybe I’m just so paranoid. Maybe I’m just afraid that I’ll wake up one day and they don’t love me anymore. Maybe I’m just a drama queen. Maybe… i know there’s a possibility that it will happen…because I’m insecure.


Envy. I don’t know how you will define this. For me it’s a strong and very compelling word. If you will define it as potent as I know it, I’m sure I don’t have it. Envious people tend to do something more than just admiring the things that they don’t have and other people have. They develop hatred towards others and destroy them. Gossip! First step for them to project their hatred. They became identity criminals and spread wrong cue about others. Some are able to kill because of envy. It’s like counting the blessings of others instead of your own. They condone themselves and they spent their whole life hating someone. Maybe people are born without contentment. What they have is nothing and what others have is everything. For one man to understand envy is hard-won. Once in our lives we became so superficial and we wish. Wish to have what we don’t have. But some sticked on wishing. They didn’t even do something to get what they want. They even wish ill on someone only to get equal. And the most dangerous of them all are those who cannot admit to themselves that they are spiteful. They will not accept defeat. They will do everything to show the world that they are better than others. And for them to show this, they deface others while at the same time they destroy themselves too.

I don’t know if I’m capable of absorbing and hording envy inside me. I’m always happy for someone who get something and makes ’em happy. Why can’t we be happy if someone else is happy? For me insecurity is normal. It’s just a personal battle that one can win if he or she will try. Jealousy is part of loving. Sometimes it’s another form of love and fear of losing a love one. For me it adds spice to relationship and it helps you grow. But envy is heavy. It destroys you and at the same time weakens you. But there is only one counter force to get rid of this — SELF-VALUE. If you cannot appreciate and love yourself for what you have and for who you are, then you can never believe that you can be happy. You have to clear your life with bad experiences and memories. Then try to find your self-worth. Focus on building your emotional, spiritual and personal security. Life is not always about getting what we want. It’s about acceptance and contentment without compromising your capabilities as a person. Dream and make a goal. Get what you want. But never ever step on someone else toes. Because ENVY is tangible and in a shape of a boomerang. It will all come back to you… one day!

The Fes!

I know!

I don’t have the prettiest face for you to take any advise about health and beauty but I just wanna share what I found a month ago. A facial wash and cream that suits my skin type. Honestly, I seldom get pimples in my face. Maybe because I don’t have oily skin which is prone to acne and pimples and I don’t even wear make-up or anything but I have… DRY SKIN! Yes, this kind of skin which easily peal off and get white spots and all. And the worst of all possible worsts is visible or enlarged PORES! Again Yes, pores which are often clogged with white heads or even blackheads.

How can you clean pores? As I read about skin pores, it usually soften or open if the temperature is high. I remember one interview with Kristine Hermosa and she said she usually put ice on her face to close the pores. And no doubt shes one of the prettiest face in local showbizness. I’m not dreaming to look like her but I think there is a logical explanation about temperature and skin pores.

I always start my day with washing my face. Last month, I decided to try Clean and Clear exfoliating daily wash. It has microbeads to help unblock pores. It’s not the cheapest facial wash in the market but it’s worth it. I can say that my skin became clearer and cleaner. Then I use Pond’s spot-less white cream (the yellow one) with UV protection. I really believe that the sun makes a lot of damage to skin and hair. If possible, put on some sun screen before you hit the road especially in the Philippines where its sunny all year round. I really don’t know which is which that helps my skin but I think these two is a good combination for girls with skin type like mine.

So my beauty regimen everyday is washing my face first with luke-warm water to open the pores. Clean it gently but thoroughly with Clean and Clear then rinse it with warm water. When I’m done with rinsing, I finish up with very cold water. The coldest I could possibly get from the faucet. I can feel that my skin is tight and dry but very clean. Then next is the Pond’s cream while massaging my face and let it absorb the cream. I usually wash my face 2-3x a day (and I wash my hands as often as I could). And that’s it. Simple as that. I’m not really a typical girl who’s obsessed with my skin, figure and fingernails. But I always want to feel clean and I’m happy I found the right product for me to use everyday.

Anyways, I’m using Neutrogena Cold Cream as body lotion. It’s unbelievably good for dry skin. It was on sale so I bought it. I hope it will be on sale again by the time I whip up the whole 200ml 🙂

PS: I cannot find a big tube of ponds spotless white here. Can somebody in the Philippines send me one please?

Tiramisu

First up for the Recipe Page is my ever favorite Tiramisu! 🙂

I’ve tried different ingredients and preparations for Tiramisu but I decided to stick to this one. Simple but deli-sh.

Ingredients: (for the cake)


4 eggs
115g (4oz) sugar
100g (3.5oz) plain flour
15g (0.5oz) corn flour
25g (1oz) butter, melted

Ingredients for Filling:


115g (4oz) plain chocolate, grated
150ml very strong coffee (i prefer espresso)
100ml coffee liquor, Tia Maria or Kahlua
300ml double cream
2.5ml vanilla essence
50g sugar
3x250g cartons mascarpone cheese
cocoa powder (to decorate)

1. Preheat the oven to 180C/350F. Grease and base line a 22cm (8.5 inches) spring-form cake tin. Place eggs in a bowl and whisk while slowly adding sugar. Whisk until pale, thick and creamy. The mixture should be thick enough to hold a trail when the whisk is pulled from the surface.

2. Sieve the flour and cornflour together and lightly fold in half with the mixture using a metal spoon. Fold in half of the melted butter, then repeat with the remaining flour and butter. Fold in lightly to avoid knocking the air from the mix.

3. Pour into the prepared tin and bake for 20-25 minutes or until golden. Turn out and leave to cool overnight if time allows.


4. Mix the coffee and the coffee liquor together. Cut the cake into 3 layers.

5. Line the base and sides of the cake tin with clear film and base it with non stick baking parchment. Place one sponge layer in the base. Sprinkle over a bout a third of the coffee mixture.

6. Whip the double cream, vanilla and sugar together until it forms soft peaks. Fold in the mascarpone cheese. Mix well. Spread 1/3 of the mixture over the sponge. Sprinkle over half of the grated chocolate. Top with another layer of sponge. Drizzle over half of the remaining coffee mixture. Top with half of the remaining cheese mixture and all the grated chocolate. Top with the last sponge and press down slowly and lightly. Finish with a final layer of cheese mixture. Chill for 2-3 hours.

7. Release form the tin, peel off the clear film and transfer to a serving plate. Spread the reserved cheese mixture around the edges. Sprinkle with chocolate, dust with cocoa powder and serve.

Kablog!

Boredom simply means one person is not capable of living his or her life in same routine anymore.

This applies to me.

Since this is my first entry, I want to tell you what pushed me to make this blog. Actually, this is not the first time I did the blogging thing. I made a food blog before and then I got bored and I stop. It was the upshot of my cooking auxiliary activity and my “Ningas Cogon” hullabaloo. Yes, sa una lang ako hyper. After that deadma na!

A lot of things happened to me these past few months. Nonsense and extraneous things kept whamming inside my head and writing a diary seems so old school for me. I felt that I’ve been a little too sensitive to every stimulus and I came to a point that I cannot control myself anymore. In short, I’m bitching every single person in my personal circle. (Sorry!)

Boredom is the culprit.

Okay, I need an outlet. Some told me I should go back to photography. Some offered a volunteer job. Some told me to go to the gym. I want to do all these things but I can’t find my “feel-good-fairy-godmother”. I’m lazy and I chose to be lazy. It seems that the world is moving fast and it’s leaving me behind. So, I decided to make a personal blog about EVERYTHING. Yes, everything and anything that my subconscious is telling me to post here. I’m not a writer nor a slick-highly-opinionated-writing-aficionado. I’m just me. A monotonous superhero who wish to save the world but cannot save herself.

Welcome to my World.